Life in the fast lane

Vacation time! --right?!

We left Pemba Wedesday around 2pm...up until that point I was running around like a chicken without a head. I had decided that after the race, I'd work as much as possible until Rachel and Larry came to visit so that when they arrived, I'd be able to take two weeks off work and Kathryn and I could close the clinic down (Kathryn also has friends/ family coming to visit).

As we boarded the plane I started thinking about work...my next goal was to work as hard as I could after Rachel and Larry left, up until the new year. At that time, I'd change my work schedule for example: get off at 4pm everyday and finally take Fridays off (like I've been trying to do for months). Yes, the new year would be amazing! I'd make more time for Alan, actually go shopping for groceries during the week and cook for us. I'd make more time to get online and reconnect with family/friends, work on the blog. I'd make more time for myself: studying the Bible, preparing a woman's Bible study, working out, reading for pleasure, reading about some of my cases that I haven't yet had time to read about, hanging out more with our friends...the list goes on and on--All the things I can't wait to actually be doing!

Our flight was a little over two hours long and I ended up sleeping the entire way.

Alan and I got to Maputo late in the afternoon and checked into the Polana Hotel, where we ate at the way-too fancy hotel restaurant then had to walk about a mile to our hotel room--no joke, and went to bed early.

We woke up at 5am Thursday morning to drive to Nelspruit, South Africa to get my residency visa and to go shopping in a real city. We were driving around like mad people running from one place to the next. By the time we started our drive back to the border to get back to Maputo I was exhausted and slept the whole 4 or so hours back to the hotel.

That was yesterday.


All day while we were running around I was thinking about how crazy-hectic our (more like "my") life has been since I started working in Pemba. We live in a third world country where everything and everyone moves as slow as molasses. We live on a serene beach. We have workers and a maid to do most anything we need done around the house. But I'm exhausted. I'm running on empty and sleeping every chance I get to play catch up. Then we go on a vacation to Maputo and we are STILL running around like crazy...then I realized

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him" -- Psalm 37:7
"The LORD will fight for you; you only need to be still. --Exodus 14:14.

I'm living in "crisis mode"...where I spend every waking moment of almost every day trying to figure out how to keep all my plates spinning. I'm running, even on empty--faster and faster, project to project, deadline to deadline. Putting God, family, and friends on the backburner. I know better, I know that people who live this kind of lifestyle eventually crash. Their plates fall and they have to pick up their lives in pieces. I've taken on a job in Pemba that just can't be completed by a certain deadline, and if I continue on this path, it will lead to brokenness.

So, I pray: Slow me down, Lord. Ease the pounding of my heart by the quieting of my mind. Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time. Slow me down, Lord and inspire me to send my roots deep in to the soil of life's enduring values, that I may grow toward my greater destiny. Remind me each day that the race you tell me to run is not a sprint, it is a long distance race. Help me remember that there is more to life than increasing the number of jobs done. Let me look back and see that my life was lived to your pleasing.

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. Hebrews 12:1-2

It might be a challenge today to find people who aren't busy. Its part of (American) culture. It almost seems that the busier you are, the more praise you get. But when we get overly busy, even with the good things, we tend to neglect the most important things. The faster and crazier that life gets, the more likely our spiritual life will suddenly come to a halt. And this might be even easier to do in Pemba, in a way because there isn't many people to hold us spiritually accountable and its so easy to lose track of time- the daylight hours are few and weeks go by where we haven't spoken with family and friends--part because of the time zone differences, part because of our hectic lives, and part because we often don't have power/ internet/ phone service when we do have some down-time, and partly because we don't make the time.

This morning we woke up early and ate breakfast, then Alan headed off to get some recycling business in the works. I opened up my e-mail and what did I find? An e-mail from a person very dear to my heart who told me just what I needed to hear at just the right moment in time.
God spoke through this person, telling me exactly what I'd been thinking and feeling, but saying it loud and clear:

"SLOW DOWN! I know you are an over-achiever who doesn't understand the concept of taking it easy, but take some advice from me...the best way to get out of the Word and into Satan land is through busy-ness. SLOW, Do you hear me??? ...take this opportunity to just enjoy life. You haven't had that in years and its about time you focus on being a wife and a friend to those who need to see God's witness in your life. Take this time in Africa as a gift to just BE."

As Billy Graham says, "We hurt people by being too busy. Too busy to notice their needs. Too busy to drop that note of comfort or encouragement or assurance of love." At the end of my life, am I going to be excited by all the things I fit into my scedule? Doubtful. Each minute of life is a gift from God and I know I need to spend it wisely.

All this to say, I'm going to make some changes. Its not going to be easy, but I'm going to do it because I just can't wait.